you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
