I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize