You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
