Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
