He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize