i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
