You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
