carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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