This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
