Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
