During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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