i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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