Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Nicole vs. Life
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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