so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
