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You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
