swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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