Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize