A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
