Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
