i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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