You made me cry and you don't even care
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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