there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
