Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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