i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
