We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
