i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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