she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
