your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
