my soul wont recognize me after tonight
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Randomize
