the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
