I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize