I'm really into asian looking animals
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize