I skipped work to stalk him.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
that is very illegal...i love you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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