I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
