Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize