you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
