I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
did i just pee glitter
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
