haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
