So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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