There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
