He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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