so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
