And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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