Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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