I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
