i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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