Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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