I want to walk on stilts...naked
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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