Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
