A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
