4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
