do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Operation Purity has been aborted
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
