They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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