I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
