Your tits are I can't wait for
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
