We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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