tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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