We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
