So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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