I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
