feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
