my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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