I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
