so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
