if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
