sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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