I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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