According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
