well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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