I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
