so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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