You're so nebulous sometimes
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
