my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
