And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize