Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Vodka?
Forever.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
