i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
