I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
