I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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