one two three fourrrrnication!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
