were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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