How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
