Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
