the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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