I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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