if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
