I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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