Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
