My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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