Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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