I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
