you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
