Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
