i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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