Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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