I'm really into asian looking animals
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize