I just saw a hot homeless man
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
