guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
