my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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