This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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