Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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