The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
