You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
