He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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